Benching 101: How to Keep Someone on Standby Without Actually Dating Them
If love had a relationship status in 2025, it would be: It's Complicated. Hello, the age of situationships, ghosting, and the newest toxic dating trend—benching. While past generations were chasing "happily ever after," Gen Z is remaking the playbook, playing with love as a laid-back game of 'catch me if you can.' But is this a reflection of empowerment and self-prioritization, or simply commitment phobia masquerading as relaxed dating vibes?
Situationships: The 'Love' Without Labels
Those were the days of clearly labeled relationships. Gen Z has discarded the traditional dating rulebook for a relationship that happens in a fuzzy in-between—something more than a hookup but less than a committed partnership. Situationships are vibe-only, no-expectation, no-pressure, and totally no-awkward "where is this going?" conversations.
The Appeal of Situationships
Flexibility Over Forever: Love on your own terms, without the pressure to "settle down" from anyone else.
No Labels, No Problems: No need to worry about labeling a relationship.
Emotional Escape Plan: If things don't work out, you can dip without the theatrics of a breakup.
But the truth is that situationships aren't always as effortless as they appear. What if someone gets feelings and the other is still on the vibes only train? Emotional attachment without transparency tends to end in frustration, heartbreak, and underlying confusion—leaving one person questioning if they were ever really appreciated.
Benching: The Soft Ghosting Nobody Discusses
And while ghosting is the sudden, cruel vanishing act, benching is the gradual, passive dismissal. It's where you're kept in reserve—texting just enough to keep you hooked but never actually following through. It's like a dating waiting room, where you're second, not first, but neither are you thrown out. You're left on standby as they shop around.
Signs You're Being Benched:
They text you only just enough to keep you interested but never actually plan anything.
You're an option, not a priority.
They ghost you for weeks, only to reappear like nothing.
You're always the one reaching out or suggesting hangouts.
Benching is relaxed cruelty disguised as "keeping things low-key"—a poisonous cycle where someone thrives on the validation of your interest while providing little in exchange. In contrast to ghosting, where at least you know what you have is over, benching leaves you hanging forever.
Why Gen Z Is So Commitment-Phobic
It's not only dating apps that have made contemporary love an infinite swipe-left phenomenon. The whole attitude towards relationships has changed. Here's why commitment is a chore rather than an aspiration for many Gen Z daters:
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO):
Why be with one when another "better" one is just a swipe away? The perception of unlimited options prevents individuals from committing fully to one relationship.
Hyper-Independence:
Career, mental health, and personal growth take priority—love can wait. Many Gen Z individuals don’t see relationships as necessary for fulfillment and prefer to focus on self-growth.
Trust Issues:
Toxic social media culture and past relationships have left many skeptical of long-term commitment. With cheating scandals, “soft-launch” partners, and Instagram-fueled insecurity, trusting someone long enough to commit is a real challenge.
Unlimited Options, Limited Patience:
Dating apps produce an infinite shopping cart full of potential partners. If one doesn't quickly deliver on expectations, it's simple to just move on without engaging with problems.
Avoiding Heartbreak at All Costs:
The rationale? If you don't fully invest, you can't truly get hurt. Having casual relationships provides an emotional cushion, avoiding intense pain but inhibiting true intimacy.
Love in the Age of 'Chill'
Gen Z believes they're avoiding heartbreak by maintaining things low-effort, but really, they may be simply sidestepping real intimacy. The "no labels, no pressure" culture is wonderful in theory, but it makes people feel disposable instead of cherished.
At the end of the day, no one really wants to be benched or in a situationship for eternity. The trick now is to balance independence and real emotional connection—without getting played along the way.
The question remains: Is Gen Z redefining love, or just running from it?
Situationships: The 'Love' Without Labels
Those were the days of clearly labeled relationships. Gen Z has discarded the traditional dating rulebook for a relationship that happens in a fuzzy in-between—something more than a hookup but less than a committed partnership. Situationships are vibe-only, no-expectation, no-pressure, and totally no-awkward "where is this going?" conversations.
Flexibility Over Forever: Love on your own terms, without the pressure to "settle down" from anyone else.
No Labels, No Problems: No need to worry about labeling a relationship.
Emotional Escape Plan: If things don't work out, you can dip without the theatrics of a breakup.
But the truth is that situationships aren't always as effortless as they appear. What if someone gets feelings and the other is still on the vibes only train? Emotional attachment without transparency tends to end in frustration, heartbreak, and underlying confusion—leaving one person questioning if they were ever really appreciated.
Benching: The Soft Ghosting Nobody Discusses
And while ghosting is the sudden, cruel vanishing act, benching is the gradual, passive dismissal. It's where you're kept in reserve—texting just enough to keep you hooked but never actually following through. It's like a dating waiting room, where you're second, not first, but neither are you thrown out. You're left on standby as they shop around.
Signs You're Being Benched:
They text you only just enough to keep you interested but never actually plan anything.
You're an option, not a priority.
They ghost you for weeks, only to reappear like nothing.
Benching is relaxed cruelty disguised as "keeping things low-key"—a poisonous cycle where someone thrives on the validation of your interest while providing little in exchange. In contrast to ghosting, where at least you know what you have is over, benching leaves you hanging forever.
Why Gen Z Is So Commitment-Phobic
It's not only dating apps that have made contemporary love an infinite swipe-left phenomenon. The whole attitude towards relationships has changed. Here's why commitment is a chore rather than an aspiration for many Gen Z daters:
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO):
Why be with one when another "better" one is just a swipe away? The perception of unlimited options prevents individuals from committing fully to one relationship.
Hyper-Independence:
Career, mental health, and personal growth take priority—love can wait. Many Gen Z individuals don’t see relationships as necessary for fulfillment and prefer to focus on self-growth.
Trust Issues:
Toxic social media culture and past relationships have left many skeptical of long-term commitment. With cheating scandals, “soft-launch” partners, and Instagram-fueled insecurity, trusting someone long enough to commit is a real challenge.
Unlimited Options, Limited Patience:
Dating apps produce an infinite shopping cart full of potential partners. If one doesn't quickly deliver on expectations, it's simple to just move on without engaging with problems.
The rationale? If you don't fully invest, you can't truly get hurt. Having casual relationships provides an emotional cushion, avoiding intense pain but inhibiting true intimacy.
Love in the Age of 'Chill'
Gen Z believes they're avoiding heartbreak by maintaining things low-effort, but really, they may be simply sidestepping real intimacy. The "no labels, no pressure" culture is wonderful in theory, but it makes people feel disposable instead of cherished.
At the end of the day, no one really wants to be benched or in a situationship for eternity. The trick now is to balance independence and real emotional connection—without getting played along the way.
The question remains: Is Gen Z redefining love, or just running from it?
Read more
